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Ever caught yourself saying, “I’m such a mess,” “I’m just an anxious person,” or “I can’t help but overthink everything”?
That’s a sign you’re blended with a part.
In Internal Family Systems (IFS), blending happens when a part of you takes over so completely that you don’t even realize it’s a part—you think it’s just you. A perfectionist part doesn’t say, “I’m worried about making a mistake.” It says, “I can’t fail.” An anxious part doesn’t say, “I’m scared.” It says, “I’m never safe.” A people-pleasing part doesn’t say, “I want to be liked.” It insists, “I have to make everyone happy.”
When you’re blended, your whole system is flooded with that part’s emotions and beliefs. It can feel overwhelming—like being caught in a storm with no shelter. But here’s the truth: You are not your parts. You are the Self that can witness them, understand them, and offer them reassurance.
How to Unblend from a Part
Unblending isn’t about pushing a part away or trying to silence it. In fact, the more you resist, the louder it tends to get. Instead, the goal is to create just enough space between you and the part so you can relate to it with curiosity rather than getting consumed by it. Here’s how:
💡 Step 1: Notice
The first step is simply catching yourself in the moment. Ask yourself:
Who’s speaking right now?
What part of me is feeling this way?
Is this an old story replaying itself?
This simple act of noticing creates a crucial pause. It’s like waking up from a dream and realizing, Oh, this is just one part of me, not all of me. That pause alone is powerful.
💡 Step 2: Get Curious
Instead of fighting the part or trying to shut it down, turn toward it—like you would a scared child tugging at your sleeve. What is it trying to tell you? Ask it:
What are you trying to protect me from?
What are you afraid might happen if you step back?
What do you need from me right now?
When did you first start feeling this way?
Often, parts have been doing their jobs for a long time—sometimes since childhood. The perfectionist part that insists you must do everything right may have first shown up in school when you learned that mistakes led to embarrassment or disapproval. The overthinking part might have started analyzing every detail to prevent bad things from happening.
When you approach your parts with curiosity rather than judgment, you open the door for transformation.
💡 Step 3: Create Distance
Language is powerful. A small shift in how you describe your experience can create space between you and the part. Try this:
Instead of: I’m anxious.
Try: I notice a part of me feels anxious.
Instead of: I always have to be in control.
Try: I notice a part of me worries about what will happen if I’m not in control.
Instead of: I can’t do anything right.
Try: I notice a part of me is afraid of making mistakes.
This subtle change reminds your whole system that there is more than any single part. It’s not about denying emotions—it’s about giving them context and perspective.
💡 Step 4: Reassure the Part
Once you’ve created some distance, let the part know you’re here. Just like a child needs reassurance from a caring adult, your parts need to trust that they don’t have to handle everything alone. You might say:
I see you. I hear you. I’m here with you.
You don’t have to do this job by yourself anymore.
Thank you for trying to protect me. I’ve got this. You can take a break.
I know you’re trying to help. I appreciate you.
When a part trusts that Self is leading, it naturally relaxes. The intensity of the emotion often decreases, and you regain access to your clarity, calmness, and confidence.
The More You Practice, the Easier It Gets
Unblending isn’t a one-time thing. Some parts will step back quickly, while others may need repeated reassurance before they feel safe letting go. That’s okay. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to stay in Self, even in tough moments.
Next time you notice yourself saying, “I’m such a mess,” pause. See if you can shift to: “I notice a part of me feels overwhelmed, and I can be with it.”
That shift? That’s Self stepping in. And that’s where real healing begins.
Here are a few ways to integrate it into your daily life:
Body Awareness: Notice where a part’s emotions show up in your body. Tight chest? Clenched jaw? Simply acknowledging it can help create space.
Mindful Pauses: When you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and ask, What part of me needs attention right now?
Gentle Humor: If a part is being especially dramatic, you might imagine it as an over-the-top character in a sitcom. (Looking at you, Inner Critic!) Sometimes, a little lightness can help shift the energy.
Unblending isn’t about getting rid of parts—they’re not the enemy. It’s about building a relationship with them so they don’t have to take over. And when you step into Self, your parts can finally rest, knowing they’re not alone.
With practice, you’ll find that you’re not just reacting to life; you’re responding from a place of wisdom, clarity, and calm. And that changes everything.