Who's Really Running the Show? An Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS)

When I Grow Up

1 min read

Ever feel like different parts of you are pulling in opposite directions? One part wants to eat healthy, but another just needs that cookie. One part wants to set boundaries, but another is terrified of upsetting people.

Close-up of a foosball table showing multiple player figurines in red, white, and burgundy uniforms arranged in rows, illustrating the Internal Family Systems concept of different parts working together as a team. The shallow depth of field emphasizes the aligned players, representing the harmony possible when internal parts are coordinated.

It’s like you have a whole team inside your mind—and sometimes, they’re not on the same page.

That’s where Internal Family Systems (IFS) comes in. Think of your mind like a team, and each part of you has a role. There’s an anxious part trying to keep you safe, a perfectionist part making sure you don’t mess up, and maybe even a part that just wants to binge-watch Netflix and forget about responsibilities. These parts aren’t bad—they’re just doing their best with the jobs they’ve taken on.

But here’s the key: You are not just one of these parts. You are the leader, the team captain, the one who can step back and listen to them instead of letting them take over.

When a part of you gets really loud—like the one that panics before a big decision—it’s usually because it’s trying to protect you. Instead of fighting it or pushing it away, IFS teaches you to get curious. “Hey, anxious part, what are you worried about?” When you listen with compassion, these parts don’t have to work so hard, and things start to feel a whole lot calmer.

So next time you catch yourself in an internal tug-of-war, pause. Take a breath. Instead of getting frustrated, try asking, Which part of me is speaking right now? And what does it need from me?

You might be surprised at the answer.💚